August Break 2013 ... Yellow

August Break 2013 ... Love

A new beginning

Here I am!
I'm crazy, I'm fun! I'm the life of the party!
I sparkle and twinkle in the crowd,
I'm red!
You can see me clearly now ...
And I can hide.

The most delicate part of me
is solitary,
in a place of fear.

Yearning to connect and
know the sigh of ahhh...

And yet all hope of connecting is destroyed in this fearful place.

Leaning into curiosity and empathy and honesty and
realising I am not alone in my fear
will release mm being to struggle out into discomfort

To join with you in learning.

Ten Things You May Not Know About Me

1. I had my tonsils out when I was 4 years old.
2. My mother came to school for 6 weeks to have lunch with me when I started school.
3. I spent 6 months in Prep and 6 months in Grade 1 during my first year of school.
4. I lied to my friends in primary school and told them I had a baby brother - Peter Robert - I was consumed with guilt for years!
5. I changed schools in Year 11 and was desperately unhappy for a long time.
6. In Year 11 I got 48% for Maths in June and it was suggested I drop this subject - I did!
7. I loved acting in the annual productions of our Youth Group.
8. I finally got my driver's license on the 3rd try.
9. I was threatened with suspension in Year 8.
10. I've always thought of myself as overweight.

Have you 10 things to share with me that I might not know?

Epicure

Five of us around the crisp, white tablecloth,
Smiling, laughing, loving for so long.
One tentatively tastes Friday's gateway to freedom,
Two slowly sips her son's wedding,
Three chokes with exhaustion and the unnecessary medication,
Four nibbles with delight on skyping her son and his new German family,
And five gulps down their love and warm familiarity.
Five of us swaddled in the bon vivant of our shared motherhood.

My Dance of Shame

Tip toeing and gentle nudging
Softly agreeing and smilingly attending.
(Please, please ... like me)

Deferring and nodding
While silently screaming,
'Do it my way!'
(Please, please ... like me)
So obsequious that even I don't like me.
But ... then you smile and I'm pretty sure you like me.

Upright, strong and solid, I protect myself.
I can't do anything about this,
It's not for me to do anything about this,
It's not for me to do something about this
There's no point in me changing, so I won't.
It's your problem, you fix it, you do it.
(and then, maybe ... I'll like you.)

Autumn

Soft vibrance and gentle forgiveness,
Clear eyed and wise.
Wrapped in memories of Spring's newness and Summer's heat
Reveling in the freedom of the paradox of life and death,
Living in the moment and watching
The disturbing and joyful changes in her life.

The sullen tunnel
Pounds with fear and
Feathery gasps of flight
Falling, falling - frozen

You are wrong
You are wrong
You are wrong

Light speed feelings
Wait for the words
Silent listening
Let's us both emerge - changed.

Writing

Like a secret lover, waiting for me
Seducing me with warm maybes
Stomach tightening and falling with sweet anticipation
Untangling and soothing my thoughts, my hopes, my pain, my delights.

The empty pages envelop me
Wrapping me in letters, fullstops words, dashes,sentences and commas.

Writing my soul together

Life

Flowing with 
Bubbles of laughter
Trickling thoughts
Raging anger
Swirling ideas
White water tears
Silent beginnings
Whirlpool endings
Rippling pain
Flooding love ...
Float!

A Place

The ancient spirits of the land welcome me.
and I become one
with this place.
Enfolded and absorbed
I breathe with the land
I feel the vast majesty of past and future millennia.
Beyond time,
The old wisdom silently speaking to my soul. 

Colour

Glistening greens and vibrant reds and bursting yellows and the soft turquoise.
Stark black and white.
All bathed in the thick honey glow of late afternoon.

I remember ...

Skipping to Sunday School with the big girls
And holding their hands in their pockets.
Playing ... horses and houses and hopscotch.
Climbing the neighbour's clothesline and
Standing in the front yard and saying goodbye.

light through my window

Like a translucent pearl
The light enters gently
Enfolding everything
Calmly and softly. 

this moment

This moment is waiting to be ...
This moment is the present,
Now the past
And soon, the future.


This moment is filled with bubbles of sunshine
That rise and burst.


Breathe gently in this moment,
Be in ... this moment.

stepping down

suffering

So many unshed tears,

For so long tightly clamped down and held,

Are flooding your mind and your heart and your soul

Oozing out from the cracks of your smiles and with every breath.

Trickling

Streaming,

Roaring.

Hurting everyone in their path,

Bruising, battering, breaking...

Let them come,

Speak your anger, your resentment, and your shame

Cradle the pain and breathe into it.

Make room for your sadness and fear.